I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
