I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
