He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This girl is more easily done than said...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
