his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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