I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
