I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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