He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
