Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
where am i from again
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
