as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
