3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
