yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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