my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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