you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
