If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
