it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
