i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
