Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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