did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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