Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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