I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Mom said you looked used
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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