I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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