Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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