He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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