Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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