My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
