Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
