Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize