so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
