My friends, they love my intelligence
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
