It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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