So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
