i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize