I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
