She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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