So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
