I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
