i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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