I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
