he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
