i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
