Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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