she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
