I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
