i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
