i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
