I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
