We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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