i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
