did you get engaged???
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dick very happy bro
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
