I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
