How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
