nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
