i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
