Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
