You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
