So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
