i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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