Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
