Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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