so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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