Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
