so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
a search helicopter?!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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