I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
