I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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