who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
