My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
