party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
try to milk me bitch
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