If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
