is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
