oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
