I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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