dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
