Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
