So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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