i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
